The hairs on my head

I am a brunette with a whisper, nay, a whimper of gray. Yes, well, I’ve realized the gray ones are falling out with more frequency. My. Hmm. I think this calls for a celebration of some sort*. Yes, that’s it. One should be able to salute the arrival of the fleet and then its replacement. Carry on. As you were. Pay no attention to the vertically challenged girl old bat with the fading hair color. Ha ha. Ahem. Where is my teacup poodle and what have I done with my walking stick?
*read: get me a drink