Pants on fire

The meme. Sweet mercy, the meme.

If some of these answers strike you as flat-out lies creative, that just means you’re paying attention. Yes, I’m a liar. And I love it.

Four jobs I have had:

1. Salesgirl (and I do mean girl) in a ritzy little gift shop in a seaside resort. I was 16. The rest of the staff was significantly older, by which I mean they had achieved varying states of decrepitude, with wizened shaking hands and drapy, crepelike neckskin.

2. Pageant coordinator, coastal Texas region.

3. Waitress at a newly hip bistro. Money money money.

4. Quasi-manager of a posh little boutique.

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Double Indemnity.

2. Cube.

3. Blade Runner.

4. The Maltese Falcon.

Four places I’ve lived:

1. Houston, Texas, as a child and a teen.

2. Chicago, Illinois, as a reckless young woman.

3. Post-apocalypse Los Angeles, as a hard-hearted courier.

4. Ogunquit, Maine, as a teenager, and every childhood summer.

Four TV shows I love:

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (and its spin-off, Angel.)

2. Sports Night.

3. Supermarket Sweep.

4. Good Eats.

Four places I have vacationed:

1. Chicago, Illinois, to stay with two of my funniest, most cynical, most whip-smart friends, after a person dear to all of us had died horribly. For ten days, we drank late into the night, mocked each other with deep affection, and played one cut-throat game of Balderdash.

2. A sweetie’s family beachhouse in Kennebunk. The weather was raw, misty, and miserable, as unbeachy as one could imagine, and I had no notion where he was taking me. He brought Thai food, liquor, ice cream, and DVDs; we snuggled on the couch in front of the fireplace and watched Buffy. Sigh.

3. Costa Rica, with my mother. I rode cables through the rainforest canopy, gorged on pastries and tropical fruit, and waded knee-deep into the crocodile-infested waters of the Pacific. (It’s true! As I left the water, beach patrols came tearing down from their posts, warning us to clear the beach; crocodiles had been spotted in the water and on the sand, and the beach was closed.)

4. Manhattan’s Upper East Side, although I didn’t get much rest, since I spent my vacation filming a walk-on in the new Jim Jarmusch film.

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. Eggplant parmagiana.

2. Slim Jims.

3. Mushroom and black olive pizza, especially homemade, with an icy Coke or a big glass of red wine, eaten in the dark while watching a movie.

4. Mezze platter with hummus, olives, feta, tapenade, ripe tomatoes, red onions, capers, fresh pita bread or foccacia, and olive oil for drizzling.

Four sites I visit daily:

1. Cat Fancy.

2. Metafilter.

3. Blog of a Bookslut.

4. My university library, the state interlibrary loan system, or my municipal library. Many days, I visit all three.

Four foibles I loathe:

1. Use of the words retarded or gay as disparaging terms.

2. Littering.

3. Certainty.

4. Jingoism.

Four foibles I admit to having:

1. A tendency toward bluntness. (Which is to say, I’m harsh. Blunt enough for you?)

2. Clumsiness.

3. Incessant hooting.

4. I giggle. No, I giggle a lot.

Four places I would rather be right now:

Dude, I’m sitting on my cozy bed watching Buffy and reading blogs. It’s geek heaven. But I’ll make an effort.

1. The Field Museum, goggling at the massive tiki gods and heaving into a case of anthropologist’s indignation over the Peoples of the Pacific exhibit.

2. Inexplicably appearing as a new bit character in the Disney classic Mary Poppins. I have the silly high-ankled pointy shoes, I have the rustly bustly pinafores, I have the starchy prim good humor. I’m ready!

3. The farmer’s market in high summer, buying heirloom tomatoes, big fragrant bunches of basil, native blueberries, and odd little pattypan squashes.

4. Visiting Elli in Switzerland.

Four people I am tagging:

No. I refuse to continue the madness.

(N.B.: if a curse causes my hair to burst into flame or I develop a mysterious skin condition, I will totally tag a bunch of you innocent saps.)