Double vision

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I’ve decided to start wearing an eye patch, let me tell you why. It all started a month ago when I went to wash my glasses after seeing the layer of filth that had built up in the edges. Something in the water or air or the beast of Alice Springs itself* caused the protective coating on my lenses to crackle resulting in a pinkish crazed hue. Because I like my colors unadulterated, I made an appointment with the eye doctor for a check up (as my last glasses were cut down from the previous pair to fit the new frames). During the exam we discussed my double vision of 20 years and need for a prism to correct it. It’s not something extreme — for instance when I’m reading I’ll see a ghosted image of the words, but if the text is particularly entertaining who’s going to focus on the double hovering there? I decided, however, it was time for a uniting of eyeballs (also in spite of an “insufficient convergence” when a lead pencil comes looming at my nose.)
Lo and behold the new prescription arrived a week ago Monday and I eagerly picked them up and began the odyssey of singular vision only to run into headaches, strained eyes and a general feeling of irreality. I told myself I should give it a week, seeing that this was a period of adjustment. Yesterday I gave in and asked to speak with the eye doctor. In between patients he looked at my file and said, “oh, here’s the problem, it was put in upside down. We’ll get that fixed.” Later that day I got a call from the office asking me to come back in today just to double check everything. The doctor took my glasses and double checked the prescription and also redid the eye test — which one is better? Tell me when you see double. Already? That’s interesting — to make sure the new prescription was accurate. It was. What’s been happening is my right eye is fighting the left for dominance. The left eye has come to the party in a pretty new frock and is all, hey, wanna be friends, and right eye is all, screw you, I’m the boss here while sending distress signals to the brain, the result being right eye wins and the prism goes. My glasses are now being re-made for the old double-sighted me. I’ve decided to give the right eyeball a time-out in the corner for not being cooperative and will don an eye patch when the new glasses arrive. Yar.
*”Beast of Alice” is my new book, look for it in stores in 2024. I’ve heard once you have a title the battle is half over.

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